Introduction
Spiritual disciplines are one of the most talked about items that believers must practice. Yet they are also some of the least practiced parts of any couples walk with the Lord. It is critical to remember that if one wants a successful and thriving marriage, they must continually grow through personal and couple practices of spiritual disciplines.
John 15 speaks to the idea of the vine and the branches. One item in this to note is that the imagery of a vineyard, as it would have been very important to those who were the original recipients of this message.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
John 15: 1-4 (NIV)
The Different Types of Branches
When one looks at the seasons of their life and their marriage, they can often see very different pictures depending on what is going on in their life. Three specifically come to mind to me.
Bare Branches
The first one is a vine with bare branches. The branches are connected to the vine, but yet the branches have yet to bear fruit. Sometimes this is a season of trial, strife, or struggle. We all have them, it doesn’t mean that God is not preparing your marriage for something big soon. Sometimes bare seasons are needed to reset the branches to grow in an upcoming season.
Branches Without Fruit
The second one is branches without fruit yet has budding leaves coming from it. This is a season of growth, but maybe the fruit of the labor is not yet present. These seasons can sometimes be hard or can be encouraging. We have all walked through the seasons where it seems like all we do is try and we never quite get there. I would encourage you that we serve a God of perfect timing. He knows exactly when we can handle the weight of the fruit. When that time comes, He will provide in troves.
Branches with Fruit
The third image is one of a branch with much fruit. This is where we all want to be. However, if we all were always producing fruit, we would crowd out everyone else. Remember, you cant say yes to everything without saying no to something else!
Building a Trellis
So all this talk about branches, how does it connect to disciplines? The disciplines in our lives are the support trellis that our branches hang from. Without support structures, our branches will fall, becoming overburdened, and will eventually break from the vine.
In every season of your life, you will experience different levels of growth and that growth will have different weight to it. Therefore, you will need to ensure that you are building to support this season’s branches. While not trying to reuse last season’s structure or overbuilding for a season that you are not in yet. Under-building causes one to not be able to support the blessings God has for their marriage.
Whereas overbuilding can cause you to waste resources you may desperately need. Likewise, no two people’s or couple’s fruits are the same. You cannot just use what has worked for another couple or even your spouse. You must make and sustain your own support trellis that can bare the weight of your branches in the season that you are in.
Now let’s get to the more practical side of things. We understand that building and maintaining our trellis is important. Therefore, here are 9 spiritual disciplines that one can use to build, remodel, or repair your spiritual support system.
Spiritual Disciplines:
Read and study the Bible (2 Timothy 3:16)
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” (NIV)
To read and to study the Word are two different actions that have specific implications for how one continues to build their structure. If one is to simply read that work, it is the ingestion, which is good and is absolutely needed.
You can also take the Word and study it. This is more like the action of cooking. You take different elements of the Word, you break it down, and you study how it fits with other elements and where it does and doesn’t match. Then you produce new insights and understandings from the Word that allow you to read the word with a different depth and flavor. There for neither is better than the other, but they both hold their own purpose.
Silence, Solitude, and Meditation (Matthew 11:28)
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (NIV)
We all suffer from the affliction of busyness. I could write a whole post about the dangers and troubles that busyness can cause in one’s life. However, for now, let us just know that God calls on us to come to Him in times of strife. We are all call to bring our worries to Him and He will restore us and give us rest.
Prayer (Hebrews 4:16)
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (NIV)
How many of you actually pray together as a couple? Statistics would tell that many of your are not praying with your spouse as often as you should, but also are not praying in your personal time either. Sometimes this can be uncomfortable to start, but it is a central way to reconnect the spiritual intimacy back into your marriage!
You also have to remember that prayer is not some ritualistic action. Due to the personal nature of our relationship with God, we can talk to him like a friend. There is no need to over formalize prayer! But one thing I do know is, when we pray, he listens!
Fasting (Philippians 3:19)
“Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.” (NIV)
Fasting can be anything including abstaining from food or other items to focus on dependence on God. The length is up to you, and scripture shows examples from one night up to forty days! The important part is that when you are fasting, you are doing it for the reason of seeking dependance on God for His power over the needs of the mind or the flesh.
Confessions (Proverbs 28:13)
“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (NIV)
Confession is an act that can be done in private with just you and God, personal with just another person, or in public. Of all of the disciplines that are outlined in the way in which Jesus lived, this is the only one that He did not practice, as He never had sin to confess. But that is the beauty of it, that because of His sinless life, He was able to be the sacrifice for all of our sins.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 (NIV)
Fellowship (Acts 2:42)
“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”
Fellowship is a critical element of any person’s or couple’s walk with the Lord. By being in fellowship with other believers, we become united as a body of believers, encouraging, and sharpening one another. You must find a life group, a small group, even just another couple to meet with on a regular basis outside of the Sunday services. Fellowship on a Sunday is important, but to be sharpened in your own walk, you must have the close and personal relationships that will hold you accountable and see through the mask put on while in public when one is struggling.
Worship (1 Chronicles 16:29)
“Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering and come before him. Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.” (NIV)
Worship is far more than just singing! Worship is the act of responding to God’s infinite worth through the outward actions of our bodies. When we worship, we submit to God’s divine power and allow Him to work on us in His own unique ways.
Celebration (Philippians 4:4)
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (NIV)
As much as this can sound prideful, we must rejoice in all the good that God has done! Again, we are celebrating what God has done in our lives, not what we have done in the absence of God. But we are warned in Ecclesiastes 5:18-19 that it must be done in moderation, but it is good and fitting to eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of our labor, as they are gifts of God and are meant to be celebrated and enjoyed.
Service (Colossians 3:23-24)
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (NIV)
Service is a direct assault on our pride. This discipline is a tool we all need in our tool belts, especially in seasons of great fruit and growth, as when we start to see the gifts and blessings, we must be quick to attribute them back to the Lord before our own selfish and vain conceit that we could have done them through our own power without the work of God in our lives. Additionally, service requires one to be humble and to put God before oneself.
Having these disciplines now in our tool bag, let us finish the reading from John 15: 5-8:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”
Conclusion:
We must always remember to keep our individual and marriage spiritual disciplines in a high priority of our lives and remain in Him. As I mentioned earlier, we all walk through different seasons at different times and because of that, our marriages must have different sized trellises in different seasons. Do not try to build off or start with a premade trellis from someone else, only you can build and only you can maintain the trellis for your life.
Next-step Activities and Questions
With your spouse, look over the list of spiritual disciplines and pick three of them that you want to incorporate or strengthen in your marriage.
- Write out these three on a piece of paper and then a specific action plan(s) on how you will achieve them.
- Utilize friends and family members for ideas, suggestions, and support.
After looking over the list of disciplines, write down which one or two disciplines are the hardest for each partner.
- Talk with your trusted support group of friends and family about how each partner can support one another in this area of weakness.
- Write down how you will support your partner in achieving success in their spiritual discipline.
