Introduction
Money is one of those topics that we all know we have to talk about. Yet we also always want to avoid the stress and the pain that surrounds it. This is one of those topics that we must address head-on; as it is a necessary evil of this world and is a very real stress for many couples that they have to deal with daily.
In today’s entry, I will be talking about what the meaning of money. This will be just a launching point on many of these topics. You will need to put in some time and effort to make it work for your unique relationship. Much like many different areas of a marriage, there is never one right way of doing it. I will be offering you some tips and suggestions, along with things to think about. I hope this sparks the conversation for you to then talk with your spouse and start looking forward to finances instead of running away from them!
The Meaning of Money
“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
Hebrews 13:5 NIV
‘Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.’”
Let us start this conversation with the idea of what money means to you. As Philippians 4:19 states, “But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus”, we must also look to Him as to what the meaning of money is to us. God provides it all for us, and we are simply the managers of His resources. Hebrews 13:5 states, we must be careful not to become in love with money as an idol above God, for He has brought it all to us, and we shall be content with what He has granted us.
In the following four categories, a person can be anywhere on a continuum from low to high. No one person has to fit in any category and many people will fit in more than one and at a different level in each. In different seasons of life, one can be more or less in categories that they once thought they were in. The following are examples and explanations for those who are fully in each category. If one was partially in one, some of these items may be correct, while others may not be correct at all. I challenge you to take a look at yourself as you read the following descriptions and see what you think applies to you.
Status
When money is seen as a form of status, it oftentimes will be flashed around to show others how much they have and to compare with others as a tool for ranking themselves. The accumulation of wealth is a marker of one’s status. Therefore the greater you have the more status you have. The converse is true, as well. One would see their identity in the amount of money they have. If they were to lose it all, their identity marker would therefore be lost. A person in this category would also likely look down upon others with less money than them, as they are a “lower class”.
Security
If one sees money in a sense of security, they find themselves in a panic or anxiety if money is ever scarce. This is because a person who sees money in this way sees it as their blanket of protection from what the world may bring. They would often also view those with much as very comfortable. Alternatively, the would see those with little as very unprepared and at risk. This person can sometimes be known as very thrifty or the penny pincher. They would rather have money in the bank than items they may need to buy because they would rather sacrifice the purchase over their reserve of funds.
Enjoyment
This person links having fun with items that cost money. Therefore, if they want to go out and have fun or enjoyment, they have to spend money. If the activity is free, it is not worth their time. A person who sees money this way would love to shop and buy new items often. This doesn’t mean they are selfish; they may also love to spend money on others too! They would see money as being able to contribute to their happiness in life.
Control
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Matthew 6:33 NIV
Money as control can be seen in a couple of different lights and when looking at a marriage. Additionally, it can be very detrimental to the partnership if it is taken too far. When someone sees money as control, they will often refer to the most powerful people being those who have the most money, as their money is the contributing factor to their control. It is also seen as a way to influence people to do what they want them to do. Control persons are also less likely to want to have a joint account with their spouse and they will likely want to have control over their own earnings.
Additional Thoughts
While each one of these categories can have pros and cons, the higher the values are linked with detrimental circumstances to a healthy relationship. This is because they are viewing money as a source of control, enjoyment, status, or security outside of God. They are placing it above God’s power and provision. I would remind you all of Matthew 6:33-34 when he says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” We must continue to keep our eyes focused on Christ and allow His provision to be enough for us.
Next-step Activities and Questions
- What do you believe is the way you see money?
- Is your partner the same or different than you?
- Identify one value of money in your life that you feel you have gone too deep into
- Make a plan with your partner of how you plan to change your ways of thinking about money in that light.
